Have I Lost It?

I remember the times when most of the ideas I proposed, was accepted by clients. Not to sound arrogant but many of them loved whatever I proposed. Different and sometimes, bold. But they loved it.

This week, I lost 3 projects because they did not like my ideas. "Not grand enough" said one, "We want modern not classic" said another and "The other company is giving us more" said the last.

I missed the punch line...and I wonder, have I lost it?

Wouldn't That Be Nice?

It's Monday and here I am sitting in front of the computer again, facing an email inbox that never seems to quit, endless phone calls, a mountain of paperwork and....the list goes on. Sigh..the weekend came and went a little too fast...

The BF and I spent the day by ourselves yesterday. It was nice to spend some time alone without the company of other friends. I don't mean to sound selfish but its nice to have some time alone sometimes. We had a late lunch as the BF is not much of a morning person. Had the usual Yong Tou Foo in Ampang before heading to 1-Utama. There were a lot of people with a few activities happening all over.

The new Mitsubishi Lancer on display caught my eye and immediately walked over to have a look. Nice car but think I could get something better at that price. Been thinking of changing my car...and I am still thinking. Have never been one to spend a huge portion of the salary for car repayments. I rather spend the money elsewhere, say...a nice Prada bag...hehe.

We managed to get tickets to Rush Hour 3 although it wasn't my first choice of movie. I wanted to watch Ratatouille. But I am not about the walk away from the counter empty handed after being in the queue for 30 minutes. Not much difference from the other Rush Hour movies. Still the same slapstick humour and theatrical stunts. But it was entertaining.

A quick dinner afterwards...some grocery shopping...drive home...shower...and its time for bed. And voila...the weekend is over. Sigh.

If only we could extend the weekend to say...another day? Now...wouldn't that be nice? :-)

Searching & Waiting...

Just came back from a long weekend in Bangkok yesterday. And I have made a mental note of never going on a holiday or trip with a large group of people. It makes it extremely difficult to keep track of everybody and you end up wasting a lot of time searching and waiting.

I knew this problem would arise when we first planned this trip. Initially it was only suppose to be 4 of us which is a comfortable number. But it ended with 15 people going. Well we all decided to do our own thing during the day and probably meet up for dinner and drinks, which is fine with me. But when we got there, that became a theory. Every where we went, people wanted to come along. And that's when the nightmare started. Conversations turned to.."where is he?"..."wait for me ah"..."stop..I wanna see this"..."why walk so fast?..."but I dun want to see this stuff"...arrgghh. Lucky there were only guns on sale and not bullets as well.

It just drove me nuts but kept my cool for the BF's sake. Afterall, I didn't want to offend his friends.

There are more stories but that's for another day. Right now, I wanna catch a nap. Feeling kinda sick now. Must be the terribly hot weather in Bangkok.

Am I Tired?

Currently watching Eureka the TV drama series till wee hours in the morning. No wonder I am tired. It's a good series to watch but then I have always been a fan of sci-fi movies.

Time for a quick shower...and back to the show. Not too late though. The new manager is starting work..hehe.

An Employee Market?

Why do people apply for jobs and don't turn up for the interview? Its so infuriating as it is a waste of time to read through the resumes and select candidates for an interview and they don't turn up! And no calls to inform you or apologise! Arrgghh...

Nowadays, applying for a job is so convenient. Just prepare one resume and click away. And I happen to think, that is why people apply for jobs and don't turn up for interviews. I would bet some of them don't even know or remember what jobs they applied for. Arrghh...

An employee market? Just you wait, the tides will turn.....

Here or There?

Woke up this morning to the smell of cigarette smoke, which means my cousin has arrived from Tokyo. She will be here for 4 days before going back to Australia. Quite a lot of my relatives have chosen to make Australia their home. And they have often asked when I would join them. Even my parents have asked.

Once in a while I do think about it. But I feel that time is has not arrived. Not now anyway.

I do like Australia, afterall I did spend 7 years there for school and uni. And even now, when I think of taking a holiday, my first thoughts are always Australia. Maybe its the cool weather..or the fresh strawberries..or maybe its everything. I have always felt very at home there.

But moving there would mean starting over again. And that thought is the very thing that has prevented me from walking down that path. Everything in KL is so familiar to me. The highly addictive aroma of cheese naan from Murni's..the DVD stall in SS2..the same route I take to the BF's house everyday. These surroundings are a second nature to me now. Things which I know and can do with an eye closed. Not that I recommend it while driving.. :-)

And there is the BF. Will he pack up and move with me? Yes, he says but asking him to give up his career when its just starting to move...or leaving his family and friends behind? It just seems a bit unfair. Furthermore we haven't been together for very long.

So..for now, let's put the thought back into the box. And get ready for lunch with the BF.

Will I Be Around?

"15 years??....seriously?" I asked.

We were having coffee and cakes yesterday afternoon at Suchan's. Both L and R are friends of the BF and I have only known them for about 6 months. Many topics were brought up during our afternoon of catching up and the topic of how long the BF and I have been together was brought up.

Well, we celebrated our 1st anniversary in June. Hard to imagine we have been together for a year already. It was certainly a roller coaster ride but its something I will not trade, for anything in the world. Over the year, we have learnt to bear with each other's habits and how to manoeuvre around each other. This relationship has certainly brought me a lot of joy and I hope I have given a lot of joy to the BF too.

And then I asked L and R how long they have been together. "15 years??...seriously?" was my response. They are the first couple I met whom have been together for so long. Prior to this, the longest I know is 8 years. I am very happy for them and this milestone. It just goes to show that a gay relationship is very sustainable. Its only a matter of whether both parties want it.

Anyway, to all whom have celebrated your anniversary or going to celebrate your anniversary, may the BF and I wish you a Happy Anniversary and may you and your BF have many many more anniversaries to come... :-)

15 years?....wonder will I be around?

Jaded?

It has been a long time since I updated this blog. Busy is no longer an excuse, so I guess it’s lazy. Darn…how I wish it was busy.

Anyway, we are already in July and with a half a year gone, I am left wondering why are things still the same as they were at the beginning of the year. Business is still there but it is not growing. In fact, it is rather stagnant. And for the past 2 weeks, I have been wondering, shall I continue or call its quits. Like I was telling some friends, maybe I have been doing this for too long and for only one client. Sometimes I feel complacent and not particularly interested in the projects anymore. Am I getting jaded?

Maybe I need a new project….and sort of found an interesting one. A new venture…shall i?

And More House Guests...

2 weeks after my sis and her family left, my aunt arrived from Australia. It would be her annual return to Malaysia since she migrated 4 years ago. Even though, she has one other sister and brother, she would always choose to stay with us. I have always wondered why but don't ask coz I think it would be impolite to and it would suggest that I don't like it. Well...truth be told, I don't...haha.

I am a creature of habit with fixed routines and having her around for 4-6 weeks kinda upsets this routine. Because she uses the room next to mine, it means she also shares the same bathroom. Not only do I have to open and lock the bathroom door each time I use it, I also have to put up with hair in the basin and floor plus face towels on the window. Sigh!

And I am pretty certain the house does not like her. Things seem to break down around her. On her last visit, she put 3 aircons out of order. First it was the guest room, then my parents room and lastly the study room downstairs. They fail one by one, each night she uses them. On this visit, the circuit breakers for the dining room tripped. This has never happened for the 12 years we have been staying in this house. Now you tell me...am I right? The house doesn't like her.

Next...my cousin arrives. But that is another story...later.

Day Six...

....and its all quiet on the home front. My sister, brother in law, nephew and niece boarded their flight back to Singapore this morning. They were back to celebrate Chinese New Year with us and as much as I love them, it is nice to finally have some peace and quiet in the house again. But it will probably take another day or two to put the house back in order and back to our usual routine. But nonetheless it was nice to have them back for Chinese New Year.

Chinese New Year has been a quiet affair for many years now. Some of the family members have migrated while others have gotten married and now spend their Chinese New Year with the in-laws. I remember last year we had our reunion dinner at Coca Steamboat Restaurant and there were only 3 of us. However I don't think we are alone in this category. I am sure there are many families in similar situations.

The BF is back and I am indeed very happy about it. I have missed spending the holidays with him. Since we got attached, this is the first time we have been apart for this many days. And it would be the same every Chinese New Year. Wouldn't it be nice if he could spend it with me and the family? Alas, wishful thinking. But hey, it's a nice wish.

Sometimes I get the feeling mom knows but she is not saying anything about it... :-)

How Ah?

For the past couple of weeks, I have been hearing a lot of “How Ah?” from colleagues and subordinates. Every time we encounter a problem, all they do is look at me and say “How Ah?”

Wah lau…why am I expected to solve problems each time they arise? And frankly I am getting rather tired of it. Why do people not take the initiative to come up with a solution? And I often wonder why people are so afraid to make decisions? Are they afraid of making the wrong decision and management blames them for it?

But if you don’t make decisions, how would you know whether they are right or wrong? And how would you learn?

Think its time to change policy…from open door to closed door. You with me?

How Lah?

In our industry or any industry for the matter, our suppliers are closely guarded secrets. We take a lot of time searching for ones whom can do the work effectively, efficiently and most importantly using the most economical methods; meaning cheap!

And in many instances, our suppliers give us the upper hand in winning projects from our competitors.

But...sooner or later a client will come along and ask for one particular supplier of yours, for instance a band as they like the band from the previous event you did for them. However, the dilemma is, the event which they want the band to perform in, is not organised by you.

So, do you get the client the band to keep them happy? well, they have been a client for a long time and a major one too.

Or tell the client no as the other event company will then be able to get hold of this band's contact.

How lah?

Interesting?

This is what I saw at the pharmacy today. Was looking around while the BF was paying for some cough drops. It simply just caught my eye.

The box says..

" Designed to bring up to 20 minutes of quivering pleasure to you both!
Contains 1 Play Vibrating Ring and 1 condom.
Can be used with or without a condom.
Easily turned on and off.
Battery included "

Anyone seen this? Better yet, anyone tried it?

Slowly...

Slowly but surely I am learning to trust him again. It is a slow process and many a times we take 3 or 4 steps backwards and start again. And it is very tiring too. Always wondering what he is doing or up to..trying to find answers to missing hours and minutes. Honestly, I sometimes do wonder whether it is all worth while.

But then I think...there is nothing much I can do if he wants to have another episode, right? I cannot be watching his every movement and asking where he is all the time.

So, I guess it is time to let go...and pray there will be no other episodes.

A Good Day...

Tuesday 7th November...it's a good day. After sending out numerous introductory flyers over the past few months, we managed to secure 2 new clients. The projects are not big but its a start. And it certainly helps to see some light at the end of the tunnel...no matter how dim... :-)

Gadgets..

Just saw the new Sony Ericsson W850i and I am so tempted to get it...even though I just changed my mobile phone 4 months ago...*sigh*. And the BF is so nagging me about it...*more sigh*.

I must confess...I love gadgets! From mobile phones to iPods to Playstations to PDAs...I just love them.

Do you?

It Was A Good Trip...I Think

Went to Singapore last weekend. The BF wanted to visit his family in hope of getting some pocket money for our Bangkok trip next week. Yea, we are going to Bangkok next week..yay!

It was a mad rush for the whole week as I had to complete preparations for 3 projects due the following week in order to make time for this trip. And with all clients, they always leave things till the last minute. Many late nights were involved but nevertheless managed to complete most of the work for the trip.

We took a bus. It was my first time and Puduraya is one scary place. Let's just say its not a place I would like to be in again...if possible.

Anyway, we arrived on Friday evening...had dinner and did a little shopping. Since we were staying with respective family members, we decided to head "home" early to spend some time with them. Our usual practise was to sms each other once we reach home...just to let each other know we got home ok. It was 8.30pm when I got to my sister's place and I sms-ed him. It was 11.00pm before I got his. By then, I was very angry.

When he called and I asked him where he went, he told me he went for drinks with a guy he met before, to "settle" things with him as the guy is interested in him and has been pursuing him. Why did he not just tell me?? Instead of leaving me in the dark about where he went. When we started going out, I made it clear he can go out with any of his friends. I am not one to control my BF's movements.

To cut a very long story short, I did a lot of shouting that night and I guess it was not just that night but from the months of keeping it all in. Everything about how I felt just came out in that one night. At that point of time, I was certain I wanted out. I was hurt and disappointed.

I didn't sleep much that night. I was thinking of what to do. And I finally decided to forgive and forget. Afterall, we are all human and we do make mistakes. The important thing is to learn and not repeat the mistake. Everyone deserves a second chance...agreed?

We met the next morning and I told him about my decision. But not before drilling into him how sad and disappointed I was. Tears were streaming down his face and I was getting a little uncomfortable as we were in Starbucks!! People around us must be wondering what was going on.

This is a moment which I will remember for a very long time...we went for lunch after Starbucks. When my meal arrived, I cut some of egg from my meal and put it on his plate. When I looked up, his eyes were filled with tears. He looked at me and whispered.."you so good to me, even after what I have done..I love you".

We are now home in KL. And after this trip, he tells me more than before. Who calls, who he goes out with and where, who sms-es him and etc. Definitely a better sense of security for me.

Was it a good trip? I think it was...don't you? :-)

What Would You Do?

It was a rather quiet afternoon in the office yesterday. So I decided to log in to the chat room as it has been a long time since I last logged in. Not surprisingly, there were quite a few people online but it is always silent in the main room.

Anyway, a private chat window pop up with a casual "hello". Exchanged the usual greetings and introductions before I checked out the photo and profile. It was my friend's boyfriend. Was kinda of surprised to see him in the chat room as he says he doesn't chat online. Anyway, what really shocked me was the next line. Before I could say "hi", its me...he typed "wanna have some chem fun?" That line kinda left me speechless...didn't know what to say. So I said goodbye and logged out.

Ok...here's a short story. They have been together for 6 years now. And my friend has always had suspicions about his BF playing around when he was out of the country. We always tell him that he is imagining things and should trust his BF. Maybe he wasn't imagining things after all.

So, if you found out a friend's BF is playing around, would you tell him? or would you just keep silent?

Aiyo....

3 weeks before our trip to BKK and the army stages a coup?? Aiyo...couldn't they have waited till after my trip. Geez, talk about being inconsiderate...

Horrible...

Just came back from a workout at Cal Fit Mid Valley. This is the first time I went since joining the centre 2 weeks ago. And boy, that place is in serious need of new equipment. Most of the equipment are from Sweat Club days and they are in such a sorry condition. Furthermore they need more weight machines in the free weights area. One Nautilus smith machine ain't gonna cut it babe...geez.

And the shower cubicles...there are tiny! I find it such a tight fit even with my medium frame. I cannot imagine someone with a large or extra large frame having a shower without coming out with bruised knees and elbows. What were they thinking when they built it??

Guess it is Cal Fit Stan Chart from now on...